“Dear Friend,
You don’t always get what’s on the cover. Sometimes when I’m hurting, you get sadness and tears from me.
I will never apologize for crying. My crying is not to manipulate you or make you uncomfortable. It is a human thing. Being told not to cry is not something I can or will obey.

If YOU cry, I will not tell you that things are not bad enough for you to cry. I will not tell you that you are playing the victim. I won’t tell you to smile and be happy because no one died.
I will not say those things. I will sit with you and probably cry WITH you. Maybe I already have…“

Recently, someone told me, basically, that they wanted me to be happy. That I should stop crying because nobody had died. Well, here I am again, asserting my right to cry. Reiterating the normal-ness of crying. Some tears are happy, some sad, but none of them are actually bad.

I know people who were taught that they should always hide their sadness. In their families you weren’t allowed to be sad. There are many parents who advocate this idea when raising their kids. Males often receive cruel conditioning about gender roles around tears. This is an attitude often passed down from one generation to the next. Sometimes this attitude is accompanied by pretending to be happy about the thing that makes you the most sad.

You see certain people who are constantly sharing how awesome it is to be ‘fill in the blank’ and they say it so often that you can see right through it. Its okay to feel lonely. You are allowed to feel lonely and even sad. Often, the same people who claim to be happy all the time are the same people who are coping with life with alcohol, or other habits.

Well, let’s just elaborate to the point using me as an example. I am am a strong person. This does not mean I am loud or brash or showy. I speak bluntly when called for. I can hold it all together under immense pressure and get the work done, so to speak. I am slow to act, but when I’ve made a decision you can be sure I mean it. I have uncrushable optimism where others run whimpering to the arms of defeat. Despite all this, I cry often. You may see me now smiling, succeeding, even excelling and you wouldn’t know that a big part of me did die. A dream died, a belief died, hope died, maybe even parts of my faith in people died. I believe that the ability to acknowledge pain and cry, makes you stronger, more powerful, more able to express in other ways.

You don’t know what died in someone that makes them cry, so please don’t be condescending. Do you think it is superior to not express emotion, or play tough? You don’t realize how many times people have faced tremendous fear and made their move with unwavering bravery. Some may cling to being stoic, but real bravery is not being afraid to show emotion and communicate feelings.

Maybe you have been asked repeatedly how you feel, and maybe years have passed, and you are still claiming confusion, unable to reveal your own heart. Maybe you live in fear of even admitting your own feelings to yourself. Have you already decided what you are allowed to have in this life? Who told you you had to sacrifice everything you want? Are you refusing to consult your own emotions, because that inner knowing may force you to change and face fears? Deciding to be happy is not the same as pretending to be happy. The decision requires change, as a matter of fact, and doesn’t yield instant results. Deciding to be happy can rock foundations, it can shake things to the core, it can break free all the tears you’ve held in for so long.

“Deciding to be happy is not the same as pretending to be happy. The decision requires change, as a matter of fact. Deciding to be happy can rock foundations…”

Pretending to be happy tries hard to maintain the status quo. When you pretend, you may keep padding your own prison cell that is your life, but eventually the sharp corners of the things that hurt, will poke their way through and cut you. Do you even remember why you started covering up the sharp things in your life? Is it really necessary anymore? How much of the weight you carry is actually yours? Do not live your life to please others who don’t really care, one way or the other, as long as you keep giving them what they require of you. They have already made up their mind about you, anyway. Be brave enough to face your fears and feel the rage. Let the tears flow if they may. Worse things could happen.

This is my opinion , and is not applicable in all situations. Nor will it make sense to everyone.