Well, this painting took a while. Most of the time just sitting there waiting to be actioned upon, if that’s a word. It started out being about the constructs of the mind. Each of us has a way we think, we have a set of beliefs that most of the time we don’t even realize we have. Then one day something challenges the way we have built our foundation, and we find out we have changed, and that our old ways of thinking don’t serve us anymore.
Change is not a linear sequence of events. Often, we only realize that we have changed after the fact. Sometimes we wish we could un-change, because we are afraid how others will react. On a personal level, change happens from the inside out, beginning on an unconscious level, shifting the way we feel, and eventually manifesting outward in changes to our visible patterns of behavior. As a matter of course, inner change will cause the patterns so familiar to us in our lives to be shaken. As I started this painting, I was pondering about how we construct our view of how we fit in to the world around us. I envisioned the process of deconstructing the old patterns of a persons life, as if you can just move some things around and gently shift your thinking or beliefs.
Then I got STUCK. The way you get stuck in an old habit, or trapped by your fears.The painting sat for WEEKS half finished. I hated it. I couldn’t see a way out of the prison of what I had started, how it looked, how it felt. I thought about putting it away and starting something new. But I had patience with myself. I observed my frustration at what my mind thought was true. I knew on a deeper level that a different kind approach was the key to change. Feeling, intuition and daring are needed to overcome fear, just as much as blood, sweat and tears.
If I was going to finish with a bang I needed fun and freedom and to be uninhibited by the fear of things not working out. Finally, I just blasted Carlos Santana in my headphones and started dancing, and did the first thing that came to me with the paint. I changed the way I was looking at it, my approach, my attitude, I started having fun with it and I blasted that painting and those beliefs apart. Each painting is a microcosm of life. Any time you change your mind, or heart, you may need to throw out your old beliefs about what you can have or experience in your life. You can decide to have fun with your life, you can set yourself free, to live, learn, unlearn, whatever…. treat yourself kindly. You CAN choose to reinvent yourself and your life. Free your mind. Have fun! Bring your friends. Be CRAZY! 50% CRAZY, 80% CRAZY, even 100% CRAZY!
WHEN was the last time you said to yourself, “This is crazy!”, and then proceeded to have one of the best, and most memorable experiences of your life? MAYBE IT’S ABOUT TIME! Think on it…but not too hard… just feel into it, maybe put on some good music and dance, give yourself permission to take chances. PLAY with life and see what happens next. (See the finished painting below)
2 Comments Add yours
You made me smile and have a little laugh and then you brought me to tears. I had to leave here for a while and then I met Carlos! You paint with a depth that I only now see. You write with the skill of a seasoned storyteller and you photo of the flower facing the soil afraid or ashamed to shine with its face in the sun made me feel like myself, not good enough…
Thank you for the beautiful comment. There is still time to put your face to the sun, and shine. I’m glad you enjoyed it…